Hard times

Day eleven I cracked. I cried like I've not cried in a long time. I had an overwhelmingly bad day where I felt more alone than I've ever felt before. Everything seemed stacked against me, getting ready to see me fail. I'm not as brave or as strong as people might think I am. Right now, I feel weak and stupid and like I just want to go home. But I know I can't, and that makes everything worse. I want to be at home with my mum, drinking tea and watching Emmerdale in my pyjamas. I want to be near to people who care about me, rather than virtual strangers who show little or no interest. I'm genuinely cut up about not getting my parcels from mum, even though it's only silly things it was from home and that's the only place I currently want to be. Nobody knows where those parcels have gone and no one wants to help me find them. It sounds silly, but I just want to smell my mum's washing liquid, just so I can feel a little bit closer to her, if only for a short while. I really hope it gets easier because I'm about ready to give up…

The only positive was going to Rackam caffe to listen to some absolutely wonderful music. Like, the musicians were so talented that I was in awe of them. I'd love to go back there. If there's one thing I really do like to do, it's listen to live music!